If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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