Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
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you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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