I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
ok first of all what the fuck
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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