ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
