planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize