she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
