I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
