Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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