She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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