Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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