I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize