Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.