This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I AM VODKA MAN
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
