and next time when you feel me up, do it right
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
