exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
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dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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