I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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