meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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