Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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