im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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