Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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