Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
