Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
