I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
