So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i wish my penis had a tongue
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
