Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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