come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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