Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
