I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
