I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
