i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
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WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
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Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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