Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
