fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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