He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
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I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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