i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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