I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
