I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
