Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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