i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
