just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
