i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
