You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
