Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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