I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
