I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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