After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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