Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Randomize
