I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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