Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
