Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
