I only kidnapped one of them. chill
that's an acceptable place to lick
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
