would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
