i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
