anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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