Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
you never un-have a 4some
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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