I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
