Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
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