he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
