There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
