Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
