Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
