I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
