I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just threw up on my dentist
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
