I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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