the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Randomize
