First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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