where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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