Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Walk of Shame today included voting.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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