Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
