How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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