Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
