TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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