I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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