I think I won the penis lottery.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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