Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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