the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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