I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
