So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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