Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
